Monday, November 27, 2006


I blame Bowleserised. She posted the results of her taking the Classic Dames Test, which determines which classic movie star you are. She also noted that they had something called the Dating Persona Test, and I clicked that instead.

Here's what I wound up with:

You embody the German principle of Konstantzusammenschaft, which is best described in English (without using the obscure English word "sammenschaft") as "eternal togethermanship".
The Loverboy
Random Gentle Love Master (RGLMm)

    Well-liked. Well-established. You are The Loverboy. Loverboys thrive in committed, steady relationships--as opposed to, say, Playboys, who want sex without too much attachment.

    You've had many relationships and nearly all of them have been successful. You're a nice guy, you know the ropes, and even if you can be a little hasty with decisions, most girls think of you as a total catch. Your hastiness comes off as spontaneity most of the time anyhow, making you especially popular in your circle of friends, too.

Your exact opposite:
The Billy Goat

Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer
    You know not to make the typical Loverboy mistake of choosing someone who appreciates your good humor and popularity, but who offers nothing in return. You belong with someone outgoing, independent, and creative. Otherwise, you'll get bored. And then instead of surprising her with flowers or a practical joke, you'll surprise her by leaving.


CONSIDER: The Window Shopper, The Peach

So if most girls think of me as a total catch, where are they?

I can think of three possibilities: my age (not much I can do about that, but it doesn't seem to put some women off), my looks (ditto), or my poverty (which I hope I can do something about...but am I interested in a woman who walks into the room singing "First I Look At the Purse?"

Oh, and there's a fourth possibility: German women. I have a theory about them, but this isn't the time or place to expound it. Unfortunately, though, I'm surrounded by them. That, too, I hope I can do something about before long.


Anonymous said...

I don't recommend generalising about a whole nation full of women, but maybe you can pin them each down to one of OK Cupid's categories.

I am:

The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf)

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Your exact opposite:
Genghis Khunt

Random Brutal Sex Master
Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.


Ed Ward said...

You're right about generalizations, but there is an ethos in this country between the sexes that I don't share. Neither, I should add, do small amounts of German men and women, as I know some sterling examples of each. Nonetheless, I think there's a malady afoot in this country, which has to do with a lot of things, including the fact that feminism was introduced from the academy, not from the streets.

But, like I said, another time, another place.

And Genghis Khunt? I think I knew her once...

Anonymous said...

Ed, you and i will look fabulous promenading down Torstrasse in our matching blue onesies, looking for chicks to get all sincere with...

Anonymous said...

Interesting test. I'm:

The Maid of Honor
Deliberate Gentle Love Master (DGLMf)

Appreciated for your kindness and envied for all your experience, you are The Maid of Honor.

Charismatic, affectionate, and terrific in relationships, you are what many guys would call a "perfect catch"--and you probably have many admirers, each wishing to capture your long-term love. You're careful, extra careful, because the last thing you want is to hurt anyone. Especially some poor boy whose only crime was liking you.

Your exact opposite:

We've deduced you're fully capable of a dirty fling, but you do feel that post-coital attachment after hooking up. So, conscientious person that you are, you do your best to reserve physical affection for those you you can respect yourself.

Your biggest negative is the byproduct of your careful nature: indecision. You're just as slow rejecting someone as you are accepting them.

ALWAYS AVOID: The False Messiah, The 5-Night Stand, The Vapor Trail, The Bachelor

CONSIDER: The Gentleman, someone just like you

Anonymous said...

Just curious, but has anybody gotten a result fro this quiz that says something like, "You are a toxic, selfish, destructive sociopath who should never be allowed to engage in relationships with human beings without both police and social workers present at all times. Your opposite is anyone capable of having a healthy relationship. Your perfect match is the Mass Murderer, Serial Killer, and current Vice President of the United States.

Turn yourself in immediately to a facility which employs electroshock therapy. You belong in an instituion."

Or does OK Cupid base its algorithm on the hopeful notion that "every pot has a lid"?

daggi said...

Is that really Olaf, or is it a Hyena? My result wasn't as quite bad as yours, whoever you are, but I didn't agree with it. Perhaps it just didn't like our dates of birth?

Ed Ward said...

No, actually, I think Olaf's got a point (and I do think it's him). If OKCupid is trying to attract people, they have to make themselves attractive, too. I think that teenagers screwing around with this quiz might get some of the more unpleasant archetypes, but hey, that's what they deserve. Or they might get matched up with one of the more unpleasant female archetypes if they tried using the site.

Oh, and wi11iam, what's a onzie? That stupid garment the guy in the illo's wearing?

Anonymous said...

i was identified as a sociopath until i said i liked porn. yeah, the onesie is what the blue boy is wearing. normally worn only by babies for the first year or two of their development I see it has become the garment of choice for the discerning Random Gentle Warm Duscher (RGWDm)

Anonymous said...

German Women, from Start to Finish: Rules of Thumb:

1. When first meeting a German woman, it will be easy to get her phone number; however, once having the number, if your first call comes sooner than a week's pause, she will consider this a sign of weakness.

2. Never compliment a German woman; it will arouse suspicions. Also, she considers compliment-giving a sign of weakness.

3. When attending a social function with a German woman, leave her side the moment you enter the room and return to her side only when you are ready to leave. Otherwise, she will see you as 'clinging' and this is a sign of weakness.

4. Never tell a German woman, 'I love you'. She considers it a sign of weakness.

5. The average 'romance' with a German woman in Berlin lasts three months (unless you see each other constantly, in which case the figure is closer to three weeks); knowing this, be the first to break up. If you are not the first to break up (or, worse, if you take the breaking-up hard) she will consider this a sign of weakness and will be unmotivated to continue an affair with you during the course of her next relationship.